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Classic
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Twain Novel Collection
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Captain
Stormfield's Visit to Heaven
The story follows
Captain Elias Stormfield on his extremely long cosmic journey
to heaven; his accidental misplacement; his short-lived interest
in singing and playing the harp (generated by his preconceptions
of heaven); and the obsession of souls with the "celebrities" of
heaven, like Adam and Moses, who according to Twain become
as distant to most people in heaven as living celebrities are
on Earth. Twain uses this story to show his view that the common
conception of heaven is ludicrous and points out the incongruities
of such beliefs.
"There is no humor
in heaven."
- Mark Twain's quote in this book.
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1601
Written as an extract
from the diary of one of Queen Elizabeth's servants, 1601 was,
according to Edward Wagenknecht, "the most famous
piece of pornography in American literature." It
was more ribaldry than pornography, however; its content was
more in the nature of irreverent and vulgar comedic shock than
of "obscene" erotica. Nevertheless, in the United
States, prior to the court decisions (1959-1966) that legalized
the publication of Lady Chatterley's Lover, Tropic of Cancer,
and Fanny Hill, the book continued to be considered unprintable,
and circulated clandestinely in privately printed, limited
editions. Its characterization as "pornography" was
satirized by Franklin J. Meine in the introduction to the 1939
edition.
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Christian
Science
Complete
with Book I and Book II
I was at this period
interested a good deal in mental healing, and had been treated
for neurasthenia with gratifying results. Like most of the
world, I had assumed, from his published articles, that he
condemned Christian Science and its related practices out of
hand. When I confessed, rather reluctantly, one day, the benefit
I had received, he surprised me by answering:
" Of course you have been benefited. Christian Science is humanity's boon.
Mother Eddy deserves a place in the Trinity as much as any member of it. She
has organized and made available a healing principle that for two thousand years
has never been employed, except as the merest kind of guesswork. She is the benefactor
of the age."
It seemed strange, at the time, to hear him speak in this way concerning
a practice of which he was generally regarded as the chief public
antagonist. It was another angle of his many-sided character.
"There
has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified
him--early."
- Mark Twain's Notebook, 1898.
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Chapters
From My Autobiography
Written
by Twain himself about his own real life stories!
I intend that this
autobiography shall become a model for all future autobiographies
when it is published, after my death, and I also intend that
it shall be read and admired a good many centuries because
of its form and method--a form and method whereby the past
and the present are constantly brought face to face, resulting
in contrasts which newly fire up the interest all along, like
contact of flint with steel. Moreover, this autobiography of
mine does not select from my life its showy episodes, but deals
mainly in the common experiences which go to make up the life
of the average human being, because these episodes are of a
sort which he is familiar with in his own life, and in which
he sees his own life reflected and set down in print. The usual,
conventional autobiographer seems to particularly hunt out
those occasions in his career when he came into contact with
celebrated persons, whereas his contacts with the uncelebrated
were just as interesting to him, and would be to his reader,
and were vastly more numerous than his collisions with the
famous....
"You can
never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge,
this saving knowledge, by any process
but the everlasting
and all-sufficient "people say." In all my seventy-two
years and a half I have never come across such another ass as
this human race is."
- Mark Twain's Autobiography
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Alonzo
Fitz and Other Stories
It was well along
in the forenoon of a bitter winter's day. The town of Eastport,
in
the state of Maine, lay buried under a deep snow that was newly
fallen. The customary bustle in the streets was wanting. One
could look long distances down them and see nothing but a dead-white
emptiness, with silence to match. Of course I do not mean that
you could see the silence—no, you could only hear it. The sidewalks
were merely long, deep ditches, with steep snow walls on either
side. Here and there you might hear the faint, far scrape of
a
wooden shovel, and if you were quick enough you might catch a
glimpse of a distant black figure stooping and disappearing
in one of those
ditches, and reappearing the next moment with a motion which
you would know meant the heaving out of a shovelful of snow.
But you
needed to be quick, for that black figure would not linger, but
would soon drop that shovel and scud for the house, thrashing
itself with its arms to warm them. Yes, it was too venomously
cold for
snow-shovelers or anybody else to stay out long.....
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The $30,000
Bequest and Other Stories
Lakeside was a pleasant
little town of five or six thousand inhabitants, and a rather
pretty one, too, as towns go in the Far West. It had church
accommodations for thirty-five thousand, which is the way of
the Far West and the South, where everybody is religious, and
where each of the Protestant sects is represented and has a
plant of its own. Rank was unknown in Lakeside—unconfessed,
anyway; everybody knew everybody and his dog, and a sociable
friendliness was the prevailing atmosphere...
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The American
Claimant
It is a matchless
morning in rural England. On a fair hill we see a majestic
pile, the ivied walls and towers of Cholmondeley Castle, huge
relic and witness of the baronial grandeurs of the Middle Ages.
This is one of the seats of the Earl of Rossmore, K. G. G.
C. B. K. C. M. G., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., who possesses
twenty-two thousand acres of English land, owns a parish in
London with two thousand houses on its lease-roll, and struggles
comfortably along on an income of two hundred thousand pounds
a year. The father and founder of this proud old line was William
the Conqueror his very self; the mother of it was not inventoried
in history by name, she being merely a random episode and inconsequential,
like the tanner's daughter of Falaise....
"...drag your thoughts away from your troubles--by the
ears, by the heels, or any other way, so you can manage it;
it's the
healthiest thing a body can do." - Mark Twain's quote in this
book.
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2-in-1
Novel Collection
A
Dog's Tale
The book
is told from the standpoint of a loyal household pet, self described
by the first sentence of the story; "My
father was a St. Bernard, my mother was a collie, but I am a Presbyterian." The
story begins with a description of the dog's life as a puppy and
her separation from her mother, which to her was inexplicable.
Her puppy and her owner's new child were soon added to her new
home. When a fire breaks out in the nursery, the dog risks her
life to drag the baby to safety. In the process, her motives are
misunderstood and she is cruelly beaten. Soon however, the truth
of the situation is discovered and she receives no end of praise.
Later in the story, her puppy dies as a result of the owner's biological
experiments. Only a servant seems to realize the irony, exclaiming, "Poor
little doggie, you saved HIS child!" In the end, the dog pines
inconsolable over the grave of the puppy with the clear implication
that she will do so until death....
A Double Barrelled Detective
At a mining camp in California, Fetlock Jones, a
nephew of Sherlock Holmes, kills his master, a silver-miner, by
blowing up his cabin. Since this occurs when Holmes happens to
be visiting, he brings his skills to bear upon the case and arrives
at logically worked conclusions that are proved to be abysmally
wrong by an amateur detective with an extremely keen sense of smell,
which he employs in solving the case. This could be seen as yet
another piece where Twain tries to prove that life does not quite
follow logic....
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Series Collection |
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Adventures
of Huckleberry Finn (Tom Sawyer's Comrade) Illustrated
Complete
Part 1 to Part 8
The story
begins in fictional St. Petersburg, Missouri, on the
Mississippi River. Two young boys, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry
Finn, have each come into a considerable sum of money
as a result of their earlier adventures (The Adventures
of Tom Sawyer). Huck has been placed under the guardianship
of the Widow Douglas, who, together with her sister,
Miss Watson, are attempting to "sivilize" him.
Huck appreciates their efforts, but finds civilized
life confining. In the beginning of the story, Tom
Sawyer appears briefly, helping Huck escape at night
from the house, past Miss Watson's slave, Jim. They
meet up with Tom Sawyer's self-proclaimed gang, who
plot to carry out adventurous crimes...
"You
can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits
protect
my life but they would assassinate you."
- Mark Twain 70th birthday speech, 1905.
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| The
Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Complete
Part 1 to Part 8
An imaginative,
patot and mischievous 12 year old boy named Thomas
Sawyer lives with his Aunt Polly and his half-brother,
Sid, also known as Sidney, in the Mississippi River
town of St. Petersburg, Missouri. After playing hooky
from school on Friday and dirtying his clothes in a
fight, Tom is made to whitewash the fence as punishment
on Saturday. At first, Tom is disappointed by having
to forfeit his day off. However, he soon cleverly persuades
his friends to trade him small treasures for the privilege
of doing his work. He trades these treasures for tickets
given out in Sunday school for memorizing Bible verses
and uses the tickets to claim a Bible as a prize. He
loses much of his glory, however, when, in response
to a question to show off his knowledge, he incorrectly
answers that the first two disciples were David and
Goliath....
"The
choir always tittered and whispered all through
the service. There was once a church choir
that was not
ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was." -Mark
Twain quote in this book.
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A
Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court
Complete
Part 1 to Part 9
The story
itself begins in a first person narrative in Warwick
Castle, where a man details his recollection of a tale
told to him by a "curious stranger" who is
personified as a knight through his simple language
and familiarity with ancient armor.
After a brief
tale of Sir Launcelot of Camelot and his role in slaying
two giants from the third-person narrative, a man named
Hank Morgan enters and, after being given whiskey by
the narrator, he is persuaded to reveal more of his
story. Described through first-person narrative as
a man familiar of the firearms and machinery trade,
Hank is a man who had reached the level of superintendent
due to his proficiency in firearms manufacturing, with
two thousand subordinates. He describes the beginning
of his tale by illustrating details of a disagreement
with his subordinates, where he sustained a head injury
from a "crusher" to the head caused by a
man named "Hercules" using a crowbar. After
passing out from the blow, Hank describes waking up
underneath an oak tree in a rural area of Camelot where
a Knight questions him for trespassing upon his land,
and after establishing rapport, leads him towards Camelot
castle....
"Concentration
of power in a political machine is bad; and an
Established Church is only a political
machine;
it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved
for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no
good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered
condition." - Mark Twain's quote in this book.
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Mark
Twain's Letters (Complete)
Volume 1:
From year 1853-1866 (143 pages)
Volume 2: From year 1867-1875 (167 pages)
Volume 3: From year 1876-1885 (222 pages)
Volume 4: From year 1886-1900 (266 pages)
Volume 5: From year 1901-1906 (113 pages)
Volume 6: From year 1907-1910 ( 48 pages)
"Nothing
agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me
dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me
the gout;
if I go to church, it gives me dysentery."
- Letter to Henry H. Rogers, 8/7/1905
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Life
On The Mississippi
Complete part 1 to part 12
"In the space
of one hundred and seventy-six years the Lower Mississippi
has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two
miles. That is an average of a trifle over one mile and a
third per year. Therefore, any calm person, who is not blind
or idiotic, can see that in the Old Oolitic Silurian Period,
just a million years ago next November, the Lower Mississippi
River was upwards of one million three hundred thousand miles
long, and stuck out over the Gulf of Mexico like a fishing-rod.
And by the same token any person can see that seven hundred
and forty-two years from now the Lower Mississippi will be
only a mile and three-quarters long, and Cairo and New Orleans
will have joined their streets together, and be plodding
comfortably along under a single mayor and a mutual board
of aldermen. There is something fascinating about science.
One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such
a trifling investment of fact." - Mark Twain
"It
is good for steamboating, and good to drink; but it
is worthless for all other purposes, except baptizing."
- Mark Twain's quote in this book.
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The Gilded Age - A Tale
of Today
Complete
part 1 to part 7
"The Gilded Age" is
a satirical novel written by Mark Twain and Charles
Dudley Warner. The novel comments
on exploitation,
manipulations, greed, and economic speculation during the
post-Civil War reconstruction period. Apparently, the title
of the book says it all, the gilded era.
The plot is
set in Missouri, New York and Washington, D.C.. It relates
to various shady dealings of unscrupulous individuals,
from their personal relationsips and carried over to
ther
questionable dubious financial businesses.
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The Innocents Abroad
Complete
part 1 to part 6
"Travel
books have been a staple in Western literature for centuries,
and as the area that a traveler can cover
has increased, so has the tendency to write about all the
sights, sounds, and peoples encountered. In the hands of
a writer like Mark Twain or Paul Bowles, this genre can
produce not only lively writing about foreign climes but
also important philosophical observations on human life
and the effect of travel on the individual. An examination
of Mark Twain's The Innocents Abroad and Paul Bowles' The
Sheltering Sky will demonstrate how each has presented
their journey, why they undertook this journey, and how
this journey was both physical and philosophical for each.
"The Innocents Aborad" is
a book that started as a series of letters written by
Mark Twain for a newspaper
in San Francisco concerning his 1867 trip on the Quaker
City. The travelers on ... "
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The Prince and The Pauper
Complete
part 1 to part 9
"Tom Canty,
youngest son of a family of beggars living with the dregs
of society in Offal Court, has always had aspirations
to a better life, encouraged by the local priest who
has taught him to read and write. He hangs around the
palace gates one day and sees the Prince (the Prince
of Wales - Edward the Sixth). Tom is nearly caught and
beaten by the Royal Guards, but Edward stops them and
invites Tom into his palace chamber. There, the two boys
get to know one another, somewhat - and each becomes
fascinated by the other's lifestyle, and even more fascinated
by the fact that they each bear an amazing and uncanny
resemblance to each other. They decide to switch clothes
(and thereby, lives) "temporarily". Edward
leaves in rather a hurry, before the boys are caught
at their game, first quickly putting away an article
of national importance which we later learn is the Great
Seal of England. Soon Prince Edward is attempting to
escape from the brutality of Tom's abusive and drunken
father, while Tom posing as the prince, is attempting
to cope with court customs and manners. His fellow nobles
and palace personnel think "the prince" is
suffering an illness that has caused memory loss and
fear he will go mad. They repeatedly question him about
the missing "Great Seal", but he knows nothing
about it. However, when Tom is asked to sit in on judgments,
his common-sense observations reassure them that he is
of sound mind.... "
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